话说张艺谋 （看奥运闭幕式有感）

昨天晚上因为突然听说有奥运会闭幕式，并且有我们中国帅哥美女的表演，结果我在外头吃完晚饭就奔回家蹲点（和哥们本来约好的桌球都没打，很对不起他啊）。但看完那短短的几分钟表演之后，嘴巴里就像是嚼了半天的蜡，也说不出是个什么滋味。节目开始之前，我还是相当兴奋的，仿佛回到了小时候抱着个小板凳和我哥去看露天电影的年代，期待的感觉让我手心微微的冒汗。但看着看着，我就发现张艺谋那注册商标式的恶俗像野草一样蔓延在镜头的各个角落。哎，张艺谋啊张艺谋，怎么让我夸一次你就这么难呢？？

大致上说俗有两种，一种是粗俗，一种是恶俗。粗俗比较容易理解，嘿嘿，向我这种喜欢喝啤酒打游戏，外加哼哼郑钧的“赤裸裸”之流，就可以算得上这类俗吧。但是传说中的恶俗则不多见。这种俗的关键就是尽管俗的一塌糊涂，但死活不承认，硬说是高雅艺术，谁要是不服，就跟谁急的那种俗。就说说张艺谋昨天的表演吧：他所一直强调的中西通融，在昨天晚上看来充其量不过是一堆高个美女穿着改良过的露着半截屁股的旗袍，一边弹琵琶，一边跳钢管舞。他平时标榜的中国艺术，也不过就是让一群人打扮得像牛头马面一样，踩着高跷挑着大红灯笼来回踏正步。他批评希腊那广受赞誉的开幕式与观众距离太远（真是不知者无畏啊），所以他就安排了一大堆假唱的演员穿着５６个民族的服装站在台上像木偶一样一动不动的高唱义勇军进行曲。如果张艺谋再安排他们多唱几句什么“今儿呀么老百姓啊，真呀么真高兴啊”，就真绝了。张艺谋的想象力显然已经随着年龄，消退的了无痕迹了。他照例又上了一个小孩来收尾，去挣些同情分。他就希望老外充满怜爱的来一句：“Oh… that’s so cute”　这又不是什么华东水灾义演，真不知道搞这些干什么。我其实最烦就是动不动上来个小孩，瞎唱瞎闹几下就逼你鼓掌。这些小孩还常常在演出里要穿着个小肚兜，一边像吃了摇头丸一样的狂甩头，一边像蚂蚱一样乱蹦，相当可怜。这些当导演的真不是东西，人家好端端的孩子，你这么折腾人家干嘛？

张艺谋作为恶俗派掌门人，是相当理直气壮的。你要说他的东西不好，他肯定会先一脸阴沉的看你半天，然后轻蔑的来一句：“艺术，你懂个屁。”张艺谋走火入魔也不是一天两天了，早期的电影我还是比较欣赏的，毕竟有点新思维，有点开山宗师的味道，尽管可能不是人人都喜欢。但现在他就像个太监，老是做些东西来取悦主子。新思想是没有的了，就靠画面的华丽来吸引人。这点我觉得这是最大的堕落。电影的美丽在于思路和故事，而不是单纯的画面。要不然我自己买些世界各地的明信片，做成幻灯片来看看好了。精美的画面只是用来衬托故事情节的；完全脱离故事情节的美丽就像没有生命的木偶，再漂亮也无法勾起观众的欲望。但张艺谋现在几乎所有的片子，都是画面唯美论的产物。弱智的情节和做作的演出加上金色的稻谷和血红的夕阳，再来几个广角的远镜就是一部非常经典的张艺谋作品。（呵呵，这就是大名鼎鼎的“英雄”啊）

张艺谋，我真有点受不了你了！！！！

The question that I hate the most, as a New Yorker

I’ve been in New York for approximately four years. Throughout the years there is that one type of questions that people always ask about New York. The question usually starts something like “I will spend couple days in New York this weekend. Is it safe there?” This kind of bullshit question always pisses me off. The dumb ass who asks the questions probably thinks New York as a gigantic shit hole that only rats and cockroaches survive. We, New Yorkers, are like some sort of mutants that possess a special power to endure all the harshness in this city. People are constantly under attack in the Subway system, either been stabbed or raped. When the nights arrive, only whores and murderers roam on the streets. Apparently this dumb ass’s life is extraordinarily precious and s/he needs some extra confirmation that spending couple days in New York is not a life threatening event, despite of the fact that there are over 8 million people living and breathing in the city everyday.

So now if people ask me the same question, I usually say “Yeah, it’s pretty bad here. Bullets flying and people dying. If I were you, I definitely stay away from it. OK, now please excuse me and I’ve got a party to go.”

Is Coffee Diuretic?

Had two conference calls from 2pm to 4pm today. As you may know, 2pm is always toughest time for me to stay awake and pretend to be productive. To avoid any potential embarrassing moments happen again (i.e., waken up by my boss in the middle of the call) , I went to the restroom twice around 1:45pm to put some cold water on my face to refresh myself. To enhance the effect, I even slapped my face, both sides, in a brutal fashion that you may think I was doing it to someone else. But, sadly it was still not enough. I have to rely on my final option. Ten minutes later, I was holding a double shot Espresso from Starbucks sitting quietly at a corner in the conference room 7D.

However, the reason why I survived that boring two hours was not because of caffeine’s magical power over our brains. Honestly, caffeine is over-rated and it just doesn’t do much for me. I was awake simply because I was constantly going to the restroom like a little monkey with a tiny ass that keeps drinking water! Coffee always has the diuretic effect on me and that’s why I always regard coffee as a final resort to stay awake. But is coffee really diuretic? Or am I just some kind of anomaly that should be studied intensively by some genetic-scientists? I’ve heard conflicting stories about the diuretic thing. As a pure coffee lover, my girlfriend swears that the coffee is harmless, at least not the diarrhea part. However, some of my colleagues believe otherwise. Hmm…… very intriguing……. But you know what, whenever I have an unanswered question, there is always that one guy to ask. He is always there for me, 24/7, and his name is Google.

Here are some of the results after I typed in “Is Coffee Diuretic?”:
www.cosic.org/caffeine/diureticeffects/
http://coffeefaq.com/caffaq.html
http://www.ific.org/foodinsight/2002/ja/caffdehydnbfi402.cfm
http://www.tipsofallsorts.com/coffee.html

OK, the fact is I am more confused than ever after reading through all these websites. Some says it is diuretic, ranging from mildly to moderate depending on the dosage. Some says it’s no more diuretic than water. Some says it depends on the person that you are asking to. So, I guess the question remains unsolved: Is Coffee Diuretic?

The Beauty of Sports

竞技体育是种偶然性很大的东西。换句粗俗点的话说就是，什么操蛋的事在体育场上都可能发生。这次雅典奥运也是如此，看到现在为止，有几个结果实在是不可思议。

（1）中国男子双人3米板跳水，最后一跳得零分。看跳水，从小到大也看了不少了，但得零分还真是没见过。跳水这东西，只要一打上Made In China的烙印，理论上说就是质量保证了。这已经都不是什么“大跌眼镜”了，而是跌了一跟头，别说眼镜了，门牙都飞了。

（2）男子三项50米射击。美国的哥们居然最后一发打错靶了，成绩变成0环，这不是硬生生的把金牌使劲往中国选手兜里塞么。我们再不笑纳，就真看不起人家了。打错靶了？！这个比不可思议还不可思议。就像我们的射击教练说得那样：“射击场上偶然性比较大，什么事都可能发生。但就我这几十年的经验而言。。。嗯。。。嗯。。。这么直接就打错靶的，还。。。还。。。还真么有见过”

（3）中国篮球最后一场击败前世界冠军南斯拉夫，闯进男篮８强。上一场我们还输意大利３７分呢，现在面对一个刚刚打败了意大利的对手，没有人会猜到我们会赢。我是人，所以我压根也没有想过什么赢球。首先我要说说篮球输３７分是什么概念，就是足球将近７：０的概念，就是男的和女的掰手腕的概念，就是初中的胖子揍小学的瘦子的概念，简单的说，那就是“没的玩”！就这么样，我们竟然扳倒了前南斯拉夫，得，就两字吧，“牛逼！！”

But isn't the whole point of competitive sports all about uncertainties? Isn't the upset stories always the ones that people talk about years after years? Don't we all somehow love to see the underdogs beat the shit out of the favorites?

I guess all these are just beautiful!!!!