Monday, August 30, 2004

话说张艺谋 (看奥运闭幕式有感)

昨天晚上因为突然听说有奥运会闭幕式,并且有我们中国帅哥美女的表演,结果我在外头吃完晚饭就奔回家蹲点(和哥们本来约好的桌球都没打,很对不起他啊)。但看完那短短的几分钟表演之后,嘴巴里就像是嚼了半天的蜡,也说不出是个什么滋味。节目开始之前,我还是相当兴奋的,仿佛回到了小时候抱着个小板凳和我哥去看露天电影的年代,期待的感觉让我手心微微的冒汗。但看着看着,我就发现张艺谋那注册商标式的恶俗像野草一样蔓延在镜头的各个角落。哎,张艺谋啊张艺谋,怎么让我夸一次你就这么难呢??

大致上说俗有两种,一种是粗俗,一种是恶俗。粗俗比较容易理解,嘿嘿,向我这种喜欢喝啤酒打游戏,外加哼哼郑钧的“赤裸裸”之流,就可以算得上这类俗吧。但是传说中的恶俗则不多见。这种俗的关键就是尽管俗的一塌糊涂,但死活不承认,硬说是高雅艺术,谁要是不服,就跟谁急的那种俗。就说说张艺谋昨天的表演吧:他所一直强调的中西通融,在昨天晚上看来充其量不过是一堆高个美女穿着改良过的露着半截屁股的旗袍,一边弹琵琶,一边跳钢管舞。他平时标榜的中国艺术,也不过就是让一群人打扮得像牛头马面一样,踩着高跷挑着大红灯笼来回踏正步。他批评希腊那广受赞誉的开幕式与观众距离太远(真是不知者无畏啊),所以他就安排了一大堆假唱的演员穿着56个民族的服装站在台上像木偶一样一动不动的高唱义勇军进行曲。如果张艺谋再安排他们多唱几句什么“今儿呀么老百姓啊,真呀么真高兴啊”,就真绝了。张艺谋的想象力显然已经随着年龄,消退的了无痕迹了。他照例又上了一个小孩来收尾,去挣些同情分。他就希望老外充满怜爱的来一句:“Oh… that’s so cute” 这又不是什么华东水灾义演,真不知道搞这些干什么。我其实最烦就是动不动上来个小孩,瞎唱瞎闹几下就逼你鼓掌。这些小孩还常常在演出里要穿着个小肚兜,一边像吃了摇头丸一样的狂甩头,一边像蚂蚱一样乱蹦,相当可怜。这些当导演的真不是东西,人家好端端的孩子,你这么折腾人家干嘛?

张艺谋作为恶俗派掌门人,是相当理直气壮的。你要说他的东西不好,他肯定会先一脸阴沉的看你半天,然后轻蔑的来一句:“艺术,你懂个屁。”张艺谋走火入魔也不是一天两天了,早期的电影我还是比较欣赏的,毕竟有点新思维,有点开山宗师的味道,尽管可能不是人人都喜欢。但现在他就像个太监,老是做些东西来取悦主子。新思想是没有的了,就靠画面的华丽来吸引人。这点我觉得这是最大的堕落。电影的美丽在于思路和故事,而不是单纯的画面。要不然我自己买些世界各地的明信片,做成幻灯片来看看好了。精美的画面只是用来衬托故事情节的;完全脱离故事情节的美丽就像没有生命的木偶,再漂亮也无法勾起观众的欲望。但张艺谋现在几乎所有的片子,都是画面唯美论的产物。弱智的情节和做作的演出加上金色的稻谷和血红的夕阳,再来几个广角的远镜就是一部非常经典的张艺谋作品。(呵呵,这就是大名鼎鼎的“英雄”啊)

张艺谋,我真有点受不了你了!!!!

Thursday, August 26, 2004

The question that I hate the most, as a New Yorker

I’ve been in New York for approximately four years. Throughout the years there is that one type of questions that people always ask about New York. The question usually starts something like “I will spend couple days in New York this weekend. Is it safe there?” This kind of bullshit question always pisses me off. The dumb ass who asks the questions probably thinks New York as a gigantic shit hole that only rats and cockroaches survive. We, New Yorkers, are like some sort of mutants that possess a special power to endure all the harshness in this city. People are constantly under attack in the Subway system, either been stabbed or raped. When the nights arrive, only whores and murderers roam on the streets. Apparently this dumb ass’s life is extraordinarily precious and s/he needs some extra confirmation that spending couple days in New York is not a life threatening event, despite of the fact that there are over 8 million people living and breathing in the city everyday.

So now if people ask me the same question, I usually say “Yeah, it’s pretty bad here. Bullets flying and people dying. If I were you, I definitely stay away from it. OK, now please excuse me and I’ve got a party to go.”

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

Is Coffee Diuretic?

Had two conference calls from 2pm to 4pm today. As you may know, 2pm is always toughest time for me to stay awake and pretend to be productive. To avoid any potential embarrassing moments happen again (i.e., waken up by my boss in the middle of the call) , I went to the restroom twice around 1:45pm to put some cold water on my face to refresh myself. To enhance the effect, I even slapped my face, both sides, in a brutal fashion that you may think I was doing it to someone else. But, sadly it was still not enough. I have to rely on my final option. Ten minutes later, I was holding a double shot Espresso from Starbucks sitting quietly at a corner in the conference room 7D.

However, the reason why I survived that boring two hours was not because of caffeine’s magical power over our brains. Honestly, caffeine is over-rated and it just doesn’t do much for me. I was awake simply because I was constantly going to the restroom like a little monkey with a tiny ass that keeps drinking water! Coffee always has the diuretic effect on me and that’s why I always regard coffee as a final resort to stay awake. But is coffee really diuretic? Or am I just some kind of anomaly that should be studied intensively by some genetic-scientists? I’ve heard conflicting stories about the diuretic thing. As a pure coffee lover, my girlfriend swears that the coffee is harmless, at least not the diarrhea part. However, some of my colleagues believe otherwise. Hmm…… very intriguing……. But you know what, whenever I have an unanswered question, there is always that one guy to ask. He is always there for me, 24/7, and his name is Google.

Here are some of the results after I typed in “Is Coffee Diuretic?”:
www.cosic.org/caffeine/diureticeffects/
http://coffeefaq.com/caffaq.html
http://www.ific.org/foodinsight/2002/ja/caffdehydnbfi402.cfm
http://www.tipsofallsorts.com/coffee.html

OK, the fact is I am more confused than ever after reading through all these websites. Some says it is diuretic, ranging from mildly to moderate depending on the dosage. Some says it’s no more diuretic than water. Some says it depends on the person that you are asking to. So, I guess the question remains unsolved: Is Coffee Diuretic?

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

The Beauty of Sports

竞技体育是种偶然性很大的东西。换句粗俗点的话说就是,什么操蛋的事在体育场上都可能发生。这次雅典奥运也是如此,看到现在为止,有几个结果实在是不可思议。

(1)中国男子双人3米板跳水,最后一跳得零分。看跳水,从小到大也看了不少了,但得零分还真是没见过。跳水这东西,只要一打上Made In China的烙印,理论上说就是质量保证了。这已经都不是什么“大跌眼镜”了,而是跌了一跟头,别说眼镜了,门牙都飞了。

(2)男子三项50米射击。美国的哥们居然最后一发打错靶了,成绩变成0环,这不是硬生生的把金牌使劲往中国选手兜里塞么。我们再不笑纳,就真看不起人家了。打错靶了?!这个比不可思议还不可思议。就像我们的射击教练说得那样:“射击场上偶然性比较大,什么事都可能发生。但就我这几十年的经验而言。。。嗯。。。嗯。。。这么直接就打错靶的,还。。。还。。。还真么有见过”

(3)中国篮球最后一场击败前世界冠军南斯拉夫,闯进男篮8强。上一场我们还输意大利37分呢,现在面对一个刚刚打败了意大利的对手,没有人会猜到我们会赢。我是人,所以我压根也没有想过什么赢球。首先我要说说篮球输37分是什么概念,就是足球将近7:0的概念,就是男的和女的掰手腕的概念,就是初中的胖子揍小学的瘦子的概念,简单的说,那就是“没的玩”!就这么样,我们竟然扳倒了前南斯拉夫,得,就两字吧,“牛逼!!”

But isn't the whole point of competitive sports all about uncertainties? Isn't the upset stories always the ones that people talk about years after years? Don't we all somehow love to see the underdogs beat the shit out of the favorites?

I guess all these are just beautiful!!!!

Monday, August 23, 2004

Alaska的男男女女

大老板刚刚从阿拉斯加放假回来,今天就和我们说了说他的所见所闻。他说阿拉斯加差不多占了美国20%的领土面积,但人口极度稀少,总共才大约60万的样子。其中男女比例失调更是厉害,过去曾经一度达到10比1(男比女)。近些年好像好点(3比1),州政府一直在很努力的去吸引女性移民者的加入(提供各种优惠政策等等)。所以Alaska当地有种很有意思的说法:“If you are a woman looking for man here, the odds are good, but the goods are odd.”

有点意思,呵呵

Friday, August 20, 2004

一个可怕的陷阱

有一天和女朋友聊天,不知道聊到什么的时候
女朋友突然问我:“你是不是白痴?”
“不是!”我坚决地说
“那你是不是猪头?”
“不是!”
“那你是不是癞皮狗?”
“不是!别问这些白痴问题了”我有点不耐烦了,好无聊啊
“那你肯定是猪才怪了”她很坚决地说
“胡说八道,我不是猪才怪!!!”我气的大叫起来

突然,她爆发出一阵“嘎嘎嘎嘎”的狂笑。“咚”的一声,她居然一个跟头翻在地上,笑的满地打滚。

我一回味,才明白怎么回事,嘿嘿,大家以后都当心点类似的问题吧。

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

我的新发现

这几天雅典奥运会正在如火如荼的进行着,通过我这几天对比赛的细心观察,发现了中国体育代表队的一个惊人的进步:中国的女运动员是越来越好看了!!

我一直认为中国男运动员的在过去众多项目中的持续低迷不简简单单是个人种的问题。 There is definitely something more to it. 思考良久才恍然大悟,会不会是和女运动员的长相有关系呢?中国男女选手都是一起训练得,都是那种长期集训的制度。如果女选手相貌实在抑郁食欲,男选手肯定会或多或少的有点营养不良等症状;如果女选手秀色可餐,男选手身体强壮之余更会努力锻炼来表现自己。嗯。。。很有道理啊。。。。。至于为什么女的就利害呢,也不见男的很帅啊?嗯,那是因为女孩都比较注重内在美啊,不像男的那么肤浅,呵呵

比如说跳水,一直以来男女都很强,男的和女的一样出色。呵呵,因为跳水的女的美女一向不少啊,从最初的高敏,到后来的伏明霞,直到现在的郭晶晶都是美女啊,男的自然很努力了。

再看看游泳,男的一直都很面,因为你看看那些女的,以前的所谓四朵金花就别提了,一个个浓眉大眼,膀粗腰圆的,乍一看也分不清是男是女。现在好不容易出了个美女罗雪娟,但还是个胳膊肘向外拐的,喜欢上了日本gg。这肯定又让很多男选手们伤透了心,所以男的也就一直是面瓜了。

hohoho,这也算看奥运的感想吧。

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

Computer vs. Mute button

如果我问你:What is the most critical invention in the office space? 很多人会毫不犹豫的回答,电脑啊。但最近我越来越觉得是另外一个东西,它好像很不起眼,但其实在我们实在少不了它,那就是电话上的 mute button。

现在给个实例吧:
前几天有个电话会议,客户正在发言:“I think we should try a different structure... such as ...xxx.... xxx....”
这时候有个SVP就按了一下 mute,然后就是:“What a fucking idiot!! I told him numerous times that his whatever structure doesn’t work... xxx... xxx.... We need to use our structure.... What a waste of my fucking time!!”
同时客户还在不疾不徐的说:“........ In that way, we can save some money and ....xxx..... What do you guys think?”
那个SVP马上又按了一下mute,恢复到通话状态,“I definitely agree with you that .... xxx...xxxx... what you said makes a lot of sense.... However, if we look at the market conditions as of this very moment.... xxx.... xxxx.... we still believe that our structure gives you the most bang-for-the-buck.”
客户一听,很开心的说:“if that’s the case, let’s proceed with your proposed structure then.”

坐在旁边的我就一直在思考这个问题:“如果那个mute button哪天malfunction了会怎么样?” 客户会不会马上在另一端对骂呢? 还是假装没听见?还是??我是不是应该某一天让它“失灵”一下呢??我越想越觉得好笑,就不禁笑出声来,居然引来数人侧目。

所以我真觉得这个mute按钮学问太大了,如果没了的话,conference call真不知道会变成什么样呢

Thursday, August 05, 2004

Summer Breeze

今天天气真好
蓝天白云,微风习习,不冷不热的
呆在办公室室真是浪费了

说起天气,纽约的这个夏天可是我呆过最舒服的
比前几年凉快多了,
别说100度的日子了,90度都不常有
好奇怪

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

乐极生悲

妈的,刚才听歌听的兴起,手舞足蹈
居然被同事看到了
而且他们还是那种看了半天都不吱声的那种
好没面啊

I am very happy today!

今天心情巨好,跟吃了耗子药似的

经过几天的痛苦搏斗,终于在工作上能喘口气了;
老板同事都飞到各地去了,这里黎明静悄悄。
我呢,一边上班偷闲,一边拿着女朋友新送的 IPOD 欣赏王菲那近乎神奇的美妙歌喉,加上Kobe这口猪又被另一个女证人出来指正性骚扰,我真是好开心噢!!
(学台湾小女生双手放在胸口,张大眼睛,眼泪汪汪的欣喜若狂状)

Monday, August 02, 2004

网上的人和路上的屎

今天在网上看到了关于对蜗牛捐款的讨论,看完之后更进一步加强了我对 Mitbbs 的两个认识:

(1)傻B到处有,网上特别多
(2)Fighting online is like competing for special Olympics. Even if you win, you are still retarded.

所以现在我脾气特好,看到什么变态帖子都是气定心闲的笑然处之。我的观点就是操蛋的人就和马路上狗拉的屎一样,总是有的。你不论怎么努力,它们是扫不干净的。你唯一能做到的就是走路的时候绕开它,而且你没有必要为了一滩屎而愤怒难过吧。

P.S. 怀念蜗牛http://www.miumiubebe.net

现场看球: Manchester United vs. AC Milan

星期六去现场看了一场球,曼联对AC Milan,但就在5分钟前,也就是比赛过了48小时之后,我都不知道到底谁赢了。刚刚给一个朋友打电话(他也去看了),才知道米兰最后通过射点球赢了。奶奶的,你说郁闷不郁闷?!

缘由是这样的:我们在比赛到88分钟的时候,我建议早点出体育场去坐车,毕竟有好几万人呢,要坐 Bus 回纽约的,没1万也8千。而且那时候曼联1比0领先,米兰全无扳平的气势,赶在人群前面先走一步是明智之举啊。谁知道该死的米兰就在90分钟左右,在门前混战中,把比分扳平,然后双方直接进入点球大战。朋友告诉我,射点球的时候可是紧张刺激,精彩纷呈。说得我是唉声叹气的直后悔,悔的肠子都青了。这次我是明白了,看曼联的比赛,真是不能早退场,跟当年冠军杯的决赛似的,吃一堑长一智吧。

再说说这场比赛里的大腕吧。毕竟第一次现场看到这些超大牌明星,我兴奋的心头小鹿乱撞。 可惜范尼没有来,他是猛男中的猛男啊。 马尔蒂尼这个老朽果然还是人老了,我就说他该退休了嘛,果然他的失误造就了斯科尔斯的进球。Giggs 是最让我失望的了,完全不在状态。唉,游戏里,每次我都重金购买的第一个就是他呀。内维尔永远那么规规矩矩,跑起来像个弱智一样。斯科尔斯跑起来倒挺帅,但就是长的像个弱智。不过他踢的真是很不错,怪不得次次英格兰国家队里都少不了他。卡富速度虽然慢,但位置感很好,边路上完全没有给Giggs 任何机会。米兰的8号(名字死活记不住)很强壮,在场上和小坦克一样横冲直撞,呵呵,可能也是小阿GON。Smith的一头金发在阳光下格外刺眼,他踢的也很卖命,好几次被马尔蒂尼和内斯塔粗暴的侵犯,这小孩每次都默默地承受,真是好孩子。

整场比赛精彩的场面不是特别多,没有我预期的好,但个别的小范围配合也是让人拍手叫绝的,也算值回票价了。就是那天晒了点,现在手臂还跟煮熟的螃蟹似的。