说起体坛大嘴，大家不得不想起那个脑子里少跟弦的韩侨生，他那句名垂千古的“前有追兵，后有堵截”至今让人难以忘怀。但今天我要提的是美国版的韩侨生，那就是NBA的解说员Bill Walton。他这个人其实当年（70年代的时候）打球还是很猛的，平均每场13分，10个篮板，1个偷球，和2个盖帽，怎么说也是NBA最伟大50名球员之一。
但打球归打球，解说归解说，能打球不一定能解说，他就是一个完美的例子。（用最近新背的单词来说，他就是个epitome，呵呵。）下面就是我听到他说过的一些很搞笑的东西：
1. 2002-2003年，马刺在西区和湖人争夺总决赛席位的时候，由于Robert Horry的关键三分球，Walton马上开始疯狂的赞扬Horry，他说Horry不仅三分厉害，而且他一直是“one of the NBA's premier defenders”，当时我就差点晕到，Robert Horry是premier defender？？？？我从来不记得他入过任何一届的NBA All-Defensive Team，他关键时刻投三分是不错，但作为一个大前锋，他的防守从来就是相当糜烂的。（靠，如果他能算是premier defender的话，我都可以算是premier singer or premier banker了。）所以Walton一说完，另一个评论马上哑口无言，没法搭话。
2. 我忘了是哪一场球了，反正有个后卫传了一个坏球，球丢了，很平常的一件事，但Walton马上来了句“This is the worst pass I've ever seen in my entire life”。哈哈，我当时马上开始狂笑。
另一个评述实在忍不住了，就问他：“In your career, you must have seen thousands, if not millions, passes, are you sure this is the worst one? ”
Walton还嘴硬: “Absolutely!”
“OK, fair enough, I am curious to know what's your second worst pass of all time. Or in another words, what's your previous worst pass of all time? You must have compared the two, right?”
Walton马上撅着嘴巴，一声不吭，我几乎都笑翻了。
3. 这是昨天晚上我听到的，Walton在评述波特兰对底特律的比赛，他突发感慨地说：“Actually basketball is a beautiful sport. It's 100% physical. You have to be physically tough. Also it's 100% mental, you have to be mentally tough as well.”
另一个评述又忍不住了，“I am not a rocket scientist here, but according to elementary math, 100% plus 100%, isn't that 200% already? The numbers just don't add up.”
Walton天外飞仙般的来了一句：“You are comparing apples to oranges here.”
另一个评述听的是丈二和尚摸不着头脑，（估计全世界可以听明白那句话逻辑的人不找过4个，韩侨生，布什是其中两个，但Walton又肯定不是其中的一个），他沉默半晌后，冒了一句：“OK~~”
呵呵，其实我挺喜欢听Walton解说的，非常搞笑，娱乐价值很高。Keep it up, Bill!!!
Saturday, November 12, 2005
Friday, November 04, 2005
Survey says...
Source: Yahoo Finance
According to a recent survey conducted by Careerbuilder.com entitled, "Out of the Office 2005", a whopping 43% of respondents revealed that they had called in sick with a fake excuse in the last twelve months, up from 35% in the 2004 survey.
Unfortunately for some employees, their day of hooky ended up with a pink slip as 23% of managers surveyed reported that they had fired an employee for missing work with a faux illness.
The most popular day for faking an illness was Wednesday (27%) followed closely by Monday (26%) and Friday (14%). The most popular reasons for calling in sick included catching up on sleep (23%) and simply not feeling like working (17%). The excuses provided by employees ran the gamut from the mundane to the exotic. The Careerbuilder.com survey highlighted some of the more bizarre excuses provided to managers including:
According to a recent survey conducted by Careerbuilder.com entitled, "Out of the Office 2005", a whopping 43% of respondents revealed that they had called in sick with a fake excuse in the last twelve months, up from 35% in the 2004 survey.
Unfortunately for some employees, their day of hooky ended up with a pink slip as 23% of managers surveyed reported that they had fired an employee for missing work with a faux illness.
The most popular day for faking an illness was Wednesday (27%) followed closely by Monday (26%) and Friday (14%). The most popular reasons for calling in sick included catching up on sleep (23%) and simply not feeling like working (17%). The excuses provided by employees ran the gamut from the mundane to the exotic. The Careerbuilder.com survey highlighted some of the more bizarre excuses provided to managers including:
- I'm too drunk to drive to work.
- My boyfriend's snake got loose and I'm afraid to leave the bedroom until he gets home.
- I'm too fat to get into my work pants.
- My cow bit me.
- My son accidentally fell asleep next to wet cement in our backyard. His foot fell in and we can't get it out.
- My house lock jammed and I'm locked in.
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
H. L. Mencken
I am reading a book written by H.L. Mencken. As indicated by the title of the book “A Mencken Chrestomathy”, this book is not a fiction, not a biography, not a textbook, but rather it’s a collection of choice passages from H.L. Mencken. The entire book is organized by a wide array of subject groups, which range from Women, Men, and Government to History, Music, and Death. Each subject contains multiple short comments/notes from author’s early works. Here are two examples:
Types of Men: The believer
Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable. There is thus a flavor of the pathological in it; it goes beyond the normal intellectual process and passes into the murky domain of transcendental metaphysics. A man full of faith is imply one who has lost (or never had) the capacity for clear and realistic thought. He is not a mere ass: he is actually ill. Worse, he is incurable, for disappointment, being essentially an objective phenomenon, cannot permanently affect his subjective infirmity. His faith takes on the virulence of a chronic infection. What he says, in substance, is this: “Let us trust in God, Who has always fooled us in the past.”
1. The cosmos is a gigantic fly-wheel making 10,000 revolutions a minute.
2. Man is a sick fly taking a dizzy ride on it.
3. Religion is the theory that the wheel was designed and set spinning to give him the ride.
After reading about 20 pages of the book, I found Mencken’s words simply irresistibly charming. I can’t help but thinking: “How can someone be so wise and so eloquent at the same time?” His choice of words is subtle, elegant, and yet powerful. His messages are cloaked with sarcastic remarks, but always pinpoint to the truth. He definitely has the best command of English of all the authors that I know. I just can’t put enough good words to express my adulation.
OK, exactly who is H.L. Mencken? Henry Louis Mencken (AKA: H. L. Mencken) was born in 1880 in Baltimore Maryland. He was a terrific journalist, most famous for his satirical style (which is heavily influenced by Mark Twain) and eventually known as the "Sage of Baltimore". He is often regarded as one of the most influential American writers of the early 20th century. He died in 1956 at the age of 75. His epitaph reads: If after I depart this vale you ever remember me and have thought to please my ghost, forgive some sinner, and wink your eye at some homely girl.
Types of Men: The believer
Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable. There is thus a flavor of the pathological in it; it goes beyond the normal intellectual process and passes into the murky domain of transcendental metaphysics. A man full of faith is imply one who has lost (or never had) the capacity for clear and realistic thought. He is not a mere ass: he is actually ill. Worse, he is incurable, for disappointment, being essentially an objective phenomenon, cannot permanently affect his subjective infirmity. His faith takes on the virulence of a chronic infection. What he says, in substance, is this: “Let us trust in God, Who has always fooled us in the past.”
Homo Sapiens: Coda
To sum up:1. The cosmos is a gigantic fly-wheel making 10,000 revolutions a minute.
2. Man is a sick fly taking a dizzy ride on it.
3. Religion is the theory that the wheel was designed and set spinning to give him the ride.
After reading about 20 pages of the book, I found Mencken’s words simply irresistibly charming. I can’t help but thinking: “How can someone be so wise and so eloquent at the same time?” His choice of words is subtle, elegant, and yet powerful. His messages are cloaked with sarcastic remarks, but always pinpoint to the truth. He definitely has the best command of English of all the authors that I know. I just can’t put enough good words to express my adulation.
OK, exactly who is H.L. Mencken? Henry Louis Mencken (AKA: H. L. Mencken) was born in 1880 in Baltimore Maryland. He was a terrific journalist, most famous for his satirical style (which is heavily influenced by Mark Twain) and eventually known as the "Sage of Baltimore". He is often regarded as one of the most influential American writers of the early 20th century. He died in 1956 at the age of 75. His epitaph reads: If after I depart this vale you ever remember me and have thought to please my ghost, forgive some sinner, and wink your eye at some homely girl.
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
You better believe it!
Rocky VI is coming. I am not joking. Not April Fool yet. The fact is ROCKY IS BACK!!!! My first reaction to this is "Holy Shit!!!!" Don't you think it's pretty crazy for a 59 year old senior to climb back into the ring and fight his guts out in front of million viewers?
When I told my trainer this breaking news, the only thing he said was:
"Come on, get the fuck outta here!"
"No, I am serious. Sylvester decided to shoot the Rocky VI. The news came out yesterday."
"Nah, get the fuck outta here!"
Then, an hour later, I was still sweating, breathing, and trembling on the massage table like an injured dog after a hard long work-out. He was helping me stretch out, and he asked me "seriously, is what you said real? Is he making the Rocky VI now?" "Yes, truth, and nothing but the truth." "Oh, man! What the fuck is he thinking!!!"
Well, my trainer's last comment definitely is not the most delicate things I've ever heard, but I can easly sense the wisdom in his simple words. Yes Indeed, What the Fuck is He Thinking?
When I told my trainer this breaking news, the only thing he said was:
"Come on, get the fuck outta here!"
"No, I am serious. Sylvester decided to shoot the Rocky VI. The news came out yesterday."
"Nah, get the fuck outta here!"
Then, an hour later, I was still sweating, breathing, and trembling on the massage table like an injured dog after a hard long work-out. He was helping me stretch out, and he asked me "seriously, is what you said real? Is he making the Rocky VI now?" "Yes, truth, and nothing but the truth." "Oh, man! What the fuck is he thinking!!!"
Well, my trainer's last comment definitely is not the most delicate things I've ever heard, but I can easly sense the wisdom in his simple words. Yes Indeed, What the Fuck is He Thinking?
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